Archive for July, 2015

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So KDP went ahead and decided to change their whole payin’ the authors thing last month. On the plus side, it gives verbose writers (like me) a chance to get paid per page . On the other plus side, it makes the pizza delivery driver happy to see my address on his delivery app. Explanations follow.

I don’t ordinarily get this deep into the weeds, but what with the changes and whatnot, here are the hard numbers regarding last month’s attempts at selling my fiction of questionable merit:

A World Gone Gray: 2 sold, 4 borrowed via KOLL, 1765 pages read

The Transience of Youth: 74 free downloads

Unfortunately, Amazon doesn’t record the actual KOLL borrow numbers per unit anymore, so I had to stalk my Reports and Bookshelf pages all month and assume a borrow occurred when AWGG (my best- [or, more accurately] only-) seller got a modest bump in the rankings. Last month’s Transience giveaway may or may not have affected AWGG‘s performance; one sale and two borrows took place during the three-day freebie thing. So the jury’s still out.

Bottom line, Broome. How much did you rake in last month?

Enough to order a one-topping pizza and give a struggling kid a decent tip. On a side note, that’s my best month money-wise in about a year and a half.

Pfft, you may say. And I tend to agree with you. However, I made inroads in countries I have a lingering fondness for. So there’s that. Four downloads in Germany and one in Italy. Dankes and ciaos (owing to my limited Italian skills) are in order. So thank you, mystery downloaders.

I’m sure you’re wondering most of all about that pizza delivery dude. Rest assured, he was tipped. Well. I may live in squalor, but I like to pay it forward when I can. Not the squalor, the positive stuff.

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Okay, by “stuff” I mean one book for an extremely limited time. My ticket on the Crazy Train (last stop, Indianapolis) hasn’t officially been punched yet. It’s still a hanging chad. Coincidentally, if you got that last reference, you might be interested in getting this book. Have I mentioned it’s soon to be free? Detailed details follow:

Coming this mid-week, mid-week, mid-week! A creature never before seen on God’s green Earth! A mutant of epic proportions! Consider, if you can, a Kindle ebook consisting of 50% romantic comedy, 50% contemplation of death, and 50% bathroom humor written 110% by a writer who sucks egregiously at math! The horror…And the romantic comedy…And the apologies for the Yogi Berra rip-off…

So here’s the deal. Between the dates of the completely arbitrary dates of July 21-July 23, 2015,The Transience of Youth will be wholly free. It’s yours for the price of a nothing. A seven- or eight-chapter preview is available for your reading pleasure or disgust at all times, but here are a few nuggets from later on in the tale:

Though he was used to rejection in both his personal and quasi-professional lives—from women, from publishers, from literary agents—this one hurt. He and Janice had much in common, or so he’d thought. They were both intelligent and ambitious, and they were more than compatible in the bedroom. They enjoyed the same movies, the same quiet restaurants, and the same love for baseball, crossword puzzles, and crude animated sitcoms. Then what the hell happened? Steve wondered.

****

“I’m a victim of youthism.”

****

“Oh, you’re worried about your personal safety?” Betsy asked, her tone dripping with spurious sympathy. “Mr. Dugan on Mayflower Street was probably concerned about his safety when he served this great nation in World War II. Even more concerned, I imagine, when a German Panzer shell exploded next to him, killing half his squad and rendering his legs forever useless.” She continued, color rising in her face. “And sweet old Ms. Gibson on Downing Lane? I’m sure she didn’t feel quite at home when she and her sister were beaten nearly to death in front of an Alabama church because their skin color didn’t match that of the locals.” Betsy picked a pair of scissors off her desk and pointed their business end at Steve. “If you think for the briefest second you have earned the right to live among people as fine and worthy as them, you are utterly, hopelessly, wrong.”

“Ms. Rogan, I’m just as entitled to—”

“Entitled? Entitled?”

****

“Oh, wah. Cry me a river. The lights go out for a couple of days and you’re ready to throw yourself in front of a freight train? You need to toughen up, son. Things aren’t so bad.”

“It’s just…disappointing. I thought moving here would change everything.“

“There’s no magic wand, kid. You can change your surroundings all you want, but you can’t change what’s in here.” George tapped his temple. “You’re stuck with it.”

****

Steve took a step toward Sarah and grazed her hand with one trembling finger. To his surprise, she inched forward and curled her pinkie around his. She stood close enough for Steve to feel the heat radiating off her body. He licked his lips, swallowed loudly and asked, “Do you have enough time to talk for a while?”

Then some other stuff happens.

Again, free! From July 21st ’til July 23nd. Time zones may vary.

 

 

 

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Congratulations, Great Britain, Ireland, Wales, and Scotland! It’s been 239 years since you cut the Colonies’ cord and sent them floating off into the ether of their own destiny! Well done!

What better way to celebrate this momentous occasion than by settling in for over 112,000 words’ worth of fiction which gleefully chronicles the demise of (most of) those upstart Yanks?

Presented for your perusal is A World Gone Gray, an epic post-apocalyptic novel soon to be offered at a discounted rate. You’ll likely be pleased to know that the original Colonies fare…not so well. The Louisiana Purchase? Let’s just say (and many American homeowners can relate to this), it’s about half under water. So France may like to take a gander, too.

As a red-blooded, credit card debt-carrying, apple pie-lovin’ American, however, I can’t in good conscience offer such a hefty discount on a story depicting the down-sizing of the country I dearly love on July 4th. Seems like some sort of sacrilege. So here’s the deal, UK. You have to wait until July 5th.

Details:

From July 5, 8am GMT until July 5, 8pm GMT, A World Gone Gray is £0.99.

From July 5, 8pm GMT until July 6, 8am GMT, A World Gone Gray is £1.99.

From July 6, 8am GMT until the foreseeable future, A World Gone Gray is prohibitively expensive.

So go forth and save, former overlords! In the meantime, I’ll be on this side of the pond vomiting domestic beer over the side of my party boat on Lake Mead while doing donuts on a quad and shooting Chinese-made bottle rockets at endangered eagles.

*— Please note, handful of readers who read this, the current promotion is only available via the UK incarnation of Amazon. Please feel free to check in every once in a while for promos in other markets.

 

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June is a difficult month for punning. I’m sure there’s a clever June Cleaver or Benny & Joon reference I could drop that would perfectly sum up last month’s goings-ons, but frankly I’m too lazy to Google it. So here, in all its SEO-friendly glory, is some writin’ stuff.

As my mother and three other people may recall, I did the Kindle Countdown thing with A World Gone Gray last month. In my heart of arrhythmically-lub-dubbing hearts, I was hoping to hit double figures in sales\borrows for June, based almost exclusively on the aforementioned promotion.

Oh, so close.

All in all, though, I was pleased with the Countdown promo. There was a noticeable spike in interest in AWGG, and, for some strange reason (perhaps my terminal case of dorkiness), I found it just plain fun. Something different. However, my half-baked master plan of flooding Amazon with elaborate, multi-pronged assaults on potential readers by offering all of my wares at discounted prices next to an honest-to-goodness down-counting clock went a bit awry when I took a look at the fine print. It seems the good folks at Amazon aren’t too keen on you abusing their promotional tools.

Damn.

So, allow me to introduce you to Plan B. No, not that Plan B. This one…