Let the Chips Fall Where They May

Posted: April 26, 2014 in Self-publishing
Tags: , , , ,

Hello, everyone. My name is B.P. Broome, and I’m a checkoholic. It’s been three days since I last checked my ebook sales.

“Hi, B.P.!”

Thanks, fellow addicts. I have to admit, these past 72 hours have been rough. Thankfully, now, the bugs I thought were crawling under my skin are gone. Every once in a while I think I see one of them out of the corner of my eye, scurrying along the baseboard or huddling in a corner. But it turns out they’re just as imaginary as my book sales over the past week. They simply don’t exist. I’m still a little shaky and having trouble sleeping, but as long as that baby from Trainspotting doesn’t make an appearance (or Heather Graham from Drugstore Cowboy—yeesh!), I think I’ll be okay. I think.

Maybe I’m being a little emotive. Maybe. But checking one’s sales on Amazon can start out as a sort of a lark, then end up as habit-forming as Walter White’s blue sky. I thought I had it under control. I thought I could check three, four, even five times a day and not let my work suffer. But it catches up to you after a while, that horse. One morning you’re on cloud nine, swaggering off into the Real World with two fresh sales and a fat dime-bag of validation tucked into your pack of Marlboros. By the end of the week, though, you’re shivering on a street corner with your cell’s battery light blinking, tears in your eyes, begging for just one more fix that never comes.

Okay, that last paragraph was emotive. I admit it. But I’ve whined in the past about how poor sales can affect your mood. As lame and emo as that post was, it did, by karmic accident, result (in my mind, anyway) in my first sale in Australia. Therefore, I’m resurrecting my Seinfeld‘s “The Contract” rip-off from a couple months back and not checking my sales for the rest of April. “Oooh!” you say. “Big freaking deal! There’s only like four days left in the month! Weak!” To that, good sir, I say, “Point well-taken.” But beyond April, I plan on employing the same philosophy in an ongoing attempt to shed myself of this habit. I’ll check my sales only twice a month, in the middle and at the end. And that’s only so I can provide an accurate AAR every thirty days or so. I swear, officer!

Honestly, though, I know I’ll fall back in with the bad crowd during the months I release a book. Thankfully, my procrastination addiction is much more serious than my checkoholism. So there shouldn’t be a problem.



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